Three Things You Can Say to Instantly Prove Yer A Complete Idiot

Intro!

I'm always willing to give anyone a chance -- until they open their mouths and prove they're a complete idiot. Here's three things fairly common in the "wizarding world" people say which prove them to be stupendiously stupid.

I. Speaketh tha word "quantum"

If you're one of those people who pepper mask your blatant ignorance with the word "quantum" (in other words, have never stepped in a lab and use the word frequently) -- I gots a challenge for ya.


Das Challenge:

1. Define quantum.

No, don't look it up. Open up notepad or get a scrap of paper and commit your definition to paper so you can't lie to yourself about it later. (Self-deception's a bitch, bitch.)

2, Look it up.

If you're having trouble with this concept, simply go here (http://www.google.com), type in the phrase (with quotes) "quantum definition."  If you don't know what to do from this point, kill yourself.

3. Compare your definition with the actual definition.

Not the same are they?

Dumbass.

4. Caveat!

Yes, I understand that this word is tied into a "science as myth" er.. myth which has some value (as myth, not science!) as it points out that not everything is known. On the other hand, like no shit, Sherlock, as anyone who doesn't think they already know everything already knows this shockingly basic fact. Referencing the infamously and halariously misunderstood Double Slit Experiment nor rambling on about quantum bullshit whatever isn't required whatsoever. In fact, it's kinda like masterbation.

II. Use the word "syncronicity" 

I know, people like to use this word because it's surrounded in mystery. Ooooh -- a "meaningful coincidence", how unexplained! Well, not so much anymore. All syncronicity boils down to is an side-effect of perceptual priming. If you're not familiar with the term, that's cool, so I'll give you an analogy. However, if you're a real dim bulb, it won't brighten you one bit..

Perceptual priming works like putting on a very slightly green-tinted pair of glasses: when you wear them (when your perception is primed a certain way) you see everything slightly tinted in green, but probably don't ordinarily notice it because it's a very, very light tint of green. That is, until you look at something with a large white field and think "Holy shit, this ordinarily white sheet of paper is extraodinarily green today." If you see something else with a larg white field -- holy shit -- syncronicity! Then you take off the glasses (your perception is bent another way) the "green" disappears, and thus the salience of "green whites".

For someone like me (in other words, for me, from my point of view, yet masked, through language), people who use the term synchonicity are more idiotic than merely being the kind who open their mouth and prove they know dick and shit about what they speak -- it also shows they have a shocking lack of self-awareness. (Figure that one out yourself.)

III. Tell any tale involving your own so-called precognitive dreams

So, you're full of shit. You want people to think you're not. What's such a person to do? You're going to need something that nobody will be able to investigate and thus will have to take your word for it.

Uhhh...Dreams! Nobody can say whether you dreamed or didn't dream about anything in particular or even at all. In fact, the facts about your dreams are so securely and unverifiably private that you can stand anywhere in your flaming liar pants and claim you precognitive dreamed anything. (And as I always say: If you're going to lie, why not lie outrageously? Both are equally as valid, so you might as well have fun.)

What never ceases to amaze me is that people are amazed by any git who claims to be a psychic after the fact by route of their own dreams. Meh, stupid people to the stupid.

IV. Bonus! Use syncronicity in combiation with your tale about any of your so-called precognitive dreams

Double dumb to the extreme self-explanitory degree.

V. Y so serious?

This section exists for one and only one reason: I like the number five in roman numerals. It's a V! :)