I often say that I'm a wizard. What that means -- to be bluntly honest -- is that I'm way beyond batshit crazy. Waaaay beyond. Like, out there. Buttnuggets insane, a few sandwiches short of a brick house and not the least flammable whatchacall it in that tool shed over there -- on Pluto -- the dog. (It's kinda tiny. Now you know.)
Well, I'm totally batshit by most people's standards. Fuck 'em. Their favorite band sucks. (And their mother's a total whore.)
Now, I'm about to tell you some serious motherfucking sheep shit so let's get on with it.
If you're not sitting down, go ahead and try it. It might help. Or not. People say it helps to brace themselves before receiving a significant shock -- but I've found it wise to ground thyself 'cause y'know -- electricity kills, sometimes. But enough about that. Sit down if you like. And on with the show.
You're not who you think you are and the universe you think you think exists isn't reality. It's all total bullshit. The reality of reality is that 'reality' is just another part of the illusion that masks the more or less real and fascinatingly fluxy magical universe underneath it all. That's the universe I live in, right next door to you.
Told ya. Total batshit. That's me. I like my coffee golden brown, don't you?
Now, if you wanna be a wizard too, the first thing you'll want to do is get the words "It's all total bullshit" tattooed on your sweet little tight Nigerian ass. Or at least write it down, so that you can easily refer to it. You know, if you ever forget this all important yet simply forgotten wizdom. And, hey it works even if you're not Nigerian.
Repeat it frequently. It's all total bullshite. It's all total bullshite. There's no place like Ireland during a revolution. Click ... click ... bang. You win, but you don't know what!
Stay frosty.
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